So much to be grateful for.
So much to lean into.
So many promises I can rest my head on.
Still I am longing for something else. Longing to be somewhere else.
In the longing I will learn, I will rest, I will be right here.
I am not there yet and I don’t know when I will be because currently I am fighting. Fighting for my family to stay together. Fighting for my faith. Fighting for trust.
This picture is not beautiful, yet. The brokenness has not turned into a great lesson learnt. The heart is still aching and the confusion is lingering longer than I want. But you know what I am here. I am living.
I am deep in the mess up and I don’t love every minute of it. But I keep reminding myself of the promises I need to rest on. Reminding myself of the grace I am being given. Reminding myself of the deep heart and powerful love of the one who is writing my story.
So I walk. I walk through it. He is walking with me. Holding my hand and often squeezing it to remind me of His presence. I want to close my eyes take a deep breath and fall so He will pick me up and walk me to the other side where I believe it to be beautiful and exactly what I want. However, a gentle whisper in my ear reminds me that He is here and won’t leave me and that what is at the end of the journey won’t be as sweet without the journey.
Here I go I take a deep breath I scan the horizon. I intertwine my fingers with His and I let Him lead me; we are on the journey together.